I prefer walking outside, but as I’ve aged, I’ve found a significant problem with walking too far from the house. After 15 minutes, I need to pee, and the neighborhood dogs don’t like me marking their trees. They get quite jealous when a new bitch comes sniffing around. You have to understand that I only sniff because, when I walk, my nose runs, and I always forget a tissue. One time, when I was totally desperate and I couldn’t hold it any longer, I peed behind a big bush. This isn’t as horrid as it sounds since I live in the boonies and there aren’t many houses along our road. I didn’t pee in someone’s yard, or poison a prize rose bush, but I did see a curtain moving as one of the neighbors peeked out to see why her dog was barking. The bush might not have been as big as I’d first thought. If I had known I would be a free peep show, I would have worn fancier undies.

The thought crossed my mind that if I’d bought the water bottle straw, the pit stop would have been a perfect place to rehydrate, since my pants were unfastened. (Please see the previous post for an explanation of that bizarre statement!) When reality spoke clearly to my tired brain, I realized that multitasking in a field full of poison ivy wouldn’t have been a good idea for me. Also, I didn’t want to refill the old bladder before I was a lot closer to home. I didn’t want a repeat performance because squatting anywhere is difficult, and I never know if my knees are going to allow me to stand back up. With a fear of getting stuck in an embarrassing position along my road, I knew I couldn’t risk the squatty potty thing again. I did not want to get a reputation as a flasher (I wasn’t moving fast enough to be a streaker!) and, to avoid an arrest for indecent exposure, I decided to play it safe and find an even less populated place to walk. I probably needed to stay a tad bit more on the side of normal with this subject.