For those of you who exercise, even occasionally, you know that one of the most important things to do before starting is to purchase the proper equipment. With walking as the answer to my quest for good health, I bought a state-of-the-art pair of walking shoes. They were guaranteed to provide support for my absent arches and cushioning for my joints. They had special bottoms to put a spring into my step, however, my moon shoes were better at doing that. The salesperson said that each pair was individually kissed by an athletic star as it came off the production line, or something like that. They were endorsed by someone who actually exercised but does it count if they get paid to do it? These shoes had a pocket for money, not that I had any left after paying for them. They could do everything but walk by themselves.

I knew I had spent my money well. Why, there was even a funky elastic band on one shoe that was a water bottle holder! For an extra five bucks, I could have purchased a thin tubular straw designed to come up the inside of my pants and shirt, and hook over my ear for easy access to water. I initially thought that bending over to get the bottle for a drink would be an exercise perk, but I could hardly reach my feet while standing. Still, I was uneasy with the whole straw concept. First of all, there wasn’t a lot of room at my elastic waistband, and if I had to zip and button my pants, it would probably stop the water flow. Secondly, I could see myself getting tangled in the straw, falling, and ripping my ear off. I decided not to purchase it because I figured that by the time I worked up a thirst, I wouldn’t have the breath it would take to suck water up a straw that long anyway. Plus, it would be awkward to have to unfasten my pants to get a drink, don’t you think? It would be a few more steps beyond normal than I’d be willing to take. Oh, well. I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t dehydrate in the thirty minutes of walking that was my initial goal.