I had an appointment last week with the endocrinologist who is managing my diabetes. My blood sugar levels have been good and he is pleased with the weight I’ve managed to lose over the last year but he’d like for me to lose another 15 pounds. That seemed like a reasonable request to me. Fifteen pounds seems like a small enough number. Lose it I shall!

All of my jeans are too big for me already. I can pull them off and on without unfastening them. I can’t carry my phone in a pocket because the weight of it drags them down. I now have to wear a belt which bunches the jeans up around my waist but there is no reason to go buy new pants until I lose fifteen more pounds.

Lunch today consisted of a huge, crispy salad with fat-free honey mustard dressing and an ounce of grated cheese. A slice of juicy cantaloupe completed the meal. Being just a few steps beyond normal. I found myself thinking dieting is easy. Needing a little something sweet to complete the meal, I scrounged up two small chocolate hearts, turning white with age. I popped one in my mouth thinking I’d let it melt in order to savor the dark richness. Without properly thinking it through, I was chomping vigorously down on the second one and they were gone.

An hour later, I was starving. I fixed myself some graham crackers slathered in creamy peanut butter. I just need a little more protein. Thirty minutes later, I was slicing an apple to go with a jar of hot fudge sauce I found in the pantry. I knew that a spoon full of that cold richness would be just the thing to curb my appetite. I hesitated when I saw that the “use by” date was March of 2022 but I was so pleased with myself for avoiding previous consumption of that sauce that I felt I deserved a treat. I opened the jar, did a sniff test, and scooped out a blob onto my nest of apple slices. It was so sweet that I couldn’t finish eating it. I craved something salty. One bowl full of potato chips later, I was totally disgusted with myself.

I’d have been ahead to eat a real lunch….grilled cheese, tomato basil soup, ham and cheese on rye…. I’m now thinking that fifteen pounds might be more of a challenge than I thought!